I Never Saw It Coming

I was used to the struggle, the suffering,

the pain and disappointments that life kicked out.

I thought it was expected to feel neglected,

rejected and best to just accept it

than let hope replace doubt.

To once have - then lose - the hugging,

the loving, seeing the fun in this life as others live it now…

To have had that intimacy

when a brother was into me, digging me,

may have thrown me for a loop somehow.

But I didn’t see it coming:

my heart jumping and humming

like a drum

in the wrong place

in the middle of a musical score.

It was totally unexpected

that I could feel this rested,

free to just let it – let me just express it

– my soul drifting out to sea

but always coming back to shore.

Through soul-searching and self-discovery,

I uncovered me.

Though first unwilling,

I find it thrilling