I was used to the struggle, the suffering,
the pain and disappointments that life kicked out.
I thought it was expected to feel neglected,
rejected and best to just accept it
than let hope replace doubt.
To once have - then lose - the hugging,
the loving, seeing the fun in this life as others live it now…
To have had that intimacy
when a brother was into me, digging me,
may have thrown me for a loop somehow.
But I didn’t see it coming:
my heart jumping and humming
like a drum
in the wrong place
in the middle of a musical score.
It was totally unexpected
that I could feel this rested,
free to just let it – let me just express it
– my soul drifting out to sea
but always coming back to shore.
Through soul-searching and self-discovery,
I uncovered me.
Though first unwilling,
I find it thrilling